and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
