This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
