oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
