Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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