He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
