You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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