i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
