I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize