we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
