and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
