Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
