Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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