I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
