Taylor Swift is so right about you.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
