what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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