It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
