Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
