he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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