I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We had to coat check the pizza.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
try to milk me bitch
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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