i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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