I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm too high and old for this...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
