i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
