I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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