after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
