Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
