if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
