I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
