I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
