When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
