youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
