No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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