Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize