i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
