Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize