so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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