I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
