Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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