just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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