He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
