just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
