I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
