My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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