I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
