As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
