i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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