if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
