Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
