Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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