3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
