haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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