I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
