dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We had sex on a dog bed..
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
