Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
