He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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