i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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