Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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