i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
