Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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