I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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