her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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