we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize