Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
