i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
