Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize