Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
