Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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