Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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