i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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