these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
