I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
