I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
