this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize