Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
