She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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