just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
