I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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