i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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