that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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