if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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