It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
