I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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