He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
