Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
