operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
