I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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