Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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