dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
