hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize