Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize