if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Text me some of your sweat
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