um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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