dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize