I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
