So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
