I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
