Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize