hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize