and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
