Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Green mimosas i think yes
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
