Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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