honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
