We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just had sex on a roof
my poor anus
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
