so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
